The Rest of the Agenda

Okay, so we got waylaid by the Haiti situation last week. I do hope you can still scrounge up some change do donate to Haiti if you haven't already. The relief efforts are ongoing.

In the meantime, we return to our list of Mission America's Top Ten Ways to Make Kids Fundies Truly Safe in 2010.

4. We must pledge to overhaul the schools we are paying for. Let’s start sending our children to Christian schools, conservative charter schools, or begin home schooling them, while we simultaneously evict our local NEA-backed public school boards and replace them with smart soccer moms and dads who have true family values.

This shows me two things. #1, that Linda Harvey thinks what's going on in public schools is far, far worse than it really is, and #2, that she doesn't understand or accept that some people may actually SUPPORT their kids learning things she disagrees with. I could just as easily write a piece detailing why we need to pull our kids out of the fundie Jesus-preachin', anti-evolution public schools in rural Louisiana and start sending them to schools run by people with REAL values, like Richard Dawkins.

Let’s get the radicals out of our taxpayer- funded classrooms...

See? Linda and I found something we agree on! Now, just what is a "radical?"

and refuse to vote for one more levy guaranteeing the same old anti-Christian, socialist, Darwinist, hyper-sexualized, and phony “green” school curricula.

Linda, have you ever set foot in a public school? Do you have any idea what you're talking about, or are you just making shit up to get angry about?

And really, "phony 'green'"? Do you oppose teaching environmental science? Yeah, of course you do. You've never been encumbered by the truth, why should anyone else be?

3. As responsible stewards, we must continue to demand that U.S. Department of Education ‘safe schools’ czar Kevin Jennings be fired for his lack of experience plus his known radical, sexually corrupt ideology.

You can "demand" all you want, but it's not your call. Were you equally as peeved about Harriet Miers being nominated to the Supreme Court despite being woefully underqualified? No, I suspect not.

But you don't like Kevin Jennings, for his "radical, sexually corrupt ideology," (teaching that being a gay teen is OK) so the rules are different for him. Oh, yes, I know, he's "inexperienced," right? I guess anybody can earn degrees from Harvard, Columbia, and NYU, found a national advocacy organization, chair a state executive committee, work as a teacher for ten years (including serving as department chair), write six books, and win multiple national awards for excellence in teaching and advocacy. (Cite)

Let’s also eject Obama’s Chicago crony, DOE Secretary Arne Duncan, and all public officials whose track records attest to “poor education as usual” policies. Where’s the commitment to genuine child safety?

You're never going to find it if you willfully ignore it.

Let’s make plans to fire Barack Obama at least by 2012, too, while we are at it, before he does any more damage to the next generation.

And that damage would be...?

Look, I'm not saying Obama's perfect. I know he's not. You know it, and so does he. I'm just saying you don't get to lob serious insults against somebody and just expect us all to nod our heads in agreement like sheep. You want to bash people? Fine, but you better be prepared to back it up. Here, Linda doesn't even seem interested in trying.

2. Get all pro-homosexual and pro-promiscuity programs, literature, teachers, and counselors out of every school now.

Well, I'm sure all the gay students--who will still be gay even in spite of your best efforts--would really appreciate that; you taking away their entire support system because you have some emotion-based, unsupported belief that it's doing more harm than good. Well, except for that part pro-promiscuity programs. Nobody would miss those, and nobody will notice when they're gone, because they don't exist in the first place.

Remove “gay” clubs, Planned Parenthood at health fairs, and GLSEN- PFLAG- SIECUS activists.

"Remove" them? Whoa, this is starting to sound a bit Mafioso, Linda. Are you on a terrorist watch list yet?

Cease all condom demonstrations, abortion referrals, on-site birth control dispensing, sexual orientation affirmation, and messing with children’s hearts, minds and bodies.

Yeah, really, schools. Stop giving your students age-appropriate advice about services that are perfectly legal and often medically or psychologically necessary. Linda Harvey doesn't like it.

Demand that schools uphold the traditional value of heterosexual identities...

Whether they're scientifically accurate or not.

...teach abstinence- until- marriage...

Yay, unconstitutional religious education! That'll fix all your problems!

Someone remind me to do a post on this abstinence-until-marriage crap soon. I have some thoughts that I've been wanting to write about for quite some time.

...and celebrate male/ female gender differences.

That's the worst one yet. I mean, even assuming Gender Identity Disorder really was all made up (like the fundies want us to think), what is the benefit of reaffirming rigid, pointless, outdated gender roles?

1. Allow—no, welcome-- Christianity back into the American public square...in schools, in community groups, in city council meetings, in the Senate, on city streets, in the courthouse square, in the media, in college lectures.

And all other religions be damned! How we're supposed to do this is anybody's guess, but pissing all over the Constitution would apparently be a good start.

Linda, like most fundies, believes that a small minority is holding back the floodgates of Good Christians (TM) who actively support and encourage the idea of a theocracy. In fact, I'd say most of our elected officials and college professors actually understand what the First Amendment is all about and support it. Why don't you, Linda?

Laugh at the ACLU.

You fundies do that already, and yet, they still stand for the Constitution and they still keep winning cases. And in fact, the ACLU supports Christians when those Christians are legally right.

Elect judges who agree.

Elect judges who don't like the First Amendment too? Wow, I just had a vision of Linda Harvey-land, and it made me shudder.

Don’t elect presidents who think we are no longer a Christian nation.

Oh, haha. Subtle slap at Obama. For the record his actual quote was:

Whatever we once were, we are no longer a Christian nation – at least, not just. We are also a Jewish nation, a Muslim nation, a Buddhist nation, and a Hindu nation, and a nation of nonbelievers.

But I think we've long established that Linda Harvey lives a life unencumbered by such things as "facts" and "reality."  

Let’s refuse to leave our children an inheritance of American rubble. Instead, let our New Year’s resolution and fervent prayer be to give our children an America that is the best it can be.

Well, I think we're all doing that, Linda. It's just that some of us disagree on exactly what that entails.